Today at 4pm-ish, a couple cops showed up at my door. They were both wearing bandanna face masks that looked to be that creepy blue and black version of the flag that I've seen so many White Nationalist Terrorists wearing lately. They were nice enough, and I was relieved I was a White guy, and it ached. They said someone had called them saying a young Black woman was being tortured by microwave in my apartment. I told them they were welcome to come up and see, but that obviously nothing like that was happening, that it was just me & my sweetheart up there, quietly making our way through another bizzarro 2020 day. I told them I might have some idea of where the call came from.
See, several years back, over the course of several months, someone sent me a few thick manila envelopes stuffed with papers covered with arrows and circles and scribbles. As far as I could tell, they thought that I was a secret CIA operative who was taking part in some kind of mission to torture them via microwave. When it became clear that it wasn't some dumb prank, I felt really sad for the person who had gotten so wrapped up in that paranoid nightmare. I thought about trying to figure out who it was and get a restraining order. My daughter was still living with me at the time. I felt vulnerable, even sorta scared. After thinking it through, I decided that I didn't want to give it more energy. Thankfully, it stopped.
Of course, I have no way of knowing if that same person had some flare-up of their issues, if their behavior was/is escalating. Either way, the fact that anyone could just call in and get cops sent to my house freaks me out, and reminds of one of the things I hate most about having any kind of elevated public presence. I've had a few people say horrible lies about me over the years. I've had more than a few trolls say horrible things to me on the networks, usually around sociopolitical posts. Just yesterday, someone wrote to me to say I was a liar, a fraud, and a bully. As it happens, I think we'd gotten into an argument a while back around police brutality and racism. I wrote back to them, saying if they wanted to try talk through whatever they were so mad about, I'm here.
There have been days in my life when my self-esteem has gotten low enough that I've wondered what I may have done to deserve craziness like this, that maybe I really am some awful person who deserves to be punished by the world. I breathe through it, use therapeutic methods I've learned over the years to ground myself, and keep it moving. The storms pass.
I think I'm mostly sharing all this weirdness to remind anyone who has been attacked/stalked (online or otherwise) for no reason: it's not about you. For whatever reason, and maybe no reason at all, you were chosen by someone to be an outlet for their anger, paranoia, whatever it is. Maybe you somehow sort of knew them at some point, maybe they're a total stranger. Whatever it is, try not to take it on, and if you can, try to have compassion for the person attacking you. I'm better at that in some situations than others.
It also seems worth saying that if you hear horrible things about someone, especially someone anywhere near the public eye, check yr sources carefully. Watch what you believe, and think about how/why you came to believe it. Especially if it's attached to anger and/or fear. Anyone can say anything these days. Sometimes, the more wild the lie is, the more people get into it. Sometimes that's the point. Attention is currency. This is the idolize/demonize social network elastic truth world we've made. It really gets me down sometimes. It feels like it's helping to write it out.
Finally, if you have an actual issue with someone, an actual misunderstanding or troubled history... rather than making a mess on the internet, just try talking to them directly. 'Hurt people hurt people' is one of the truest and most heartbreaking axioms I know. If you find yrself furious with someone and/or fighting with them, do the work to make sure yr own trauma isn't fueling yr end of the fight. Even if the person DID say or do something that left you feeling hurt, check and see if the hurt has been magnified by unrelated trauma. If you notice that it is, then do yr best to heal it. Not for their sake, but for yrs. Break the cycle.
If it needs to be said, I'm well aware that none of these strange stressors in my life are anything compared to what billions of people endure in this life. That said, it still sucks. if I ever really quit all these networks and kinda drop out of society, this will be a big part of why. People can be so awful.
Before the cops left, I asked if I had any recourse for someone calling in such insane stuff, wasting their time, and freaking me out. They said to wait & see if it happened again, and take it from there.