This surprise sea of signs saying DOUG. That was my dad's name. My sweetheart's dad was named Doug, too. We both started crying when this happened. We cried sad tears for our big-hearted, imperfect fathers, both gone too soon. We also cried grateful tears that their best traits, their most loving traits, are on full display at the DNC right now. By the way, no matter what your sociopolitical views are, if you're not watching, you're missing out on a beautiful view of America. I especially recommend using the CSPAN stream, or anything without talking heads, just the actual things that are happening. It's amazing.
30-ish years ago, I wrote a song called Waiting For Sunday. It was written from the perspective of a sad, angry dad getting brain-washed by Fox News, which was in the mid-90s just beginning to tighten its stranglehold on scared White Americans, and especially White American Men. It wasn't a song of judgment, but of empathy. I could see older men getting tricked, getting lost. I had a feeling it would get this bad. I hoped that someday, the fever would break, and we would get to celebrate a more open-hearted, gentle way of being a ‘man’. With countless young men being drawn into hate by tired old tropes x algorithms over the last several years, I was scared it would keep going, and destroy our country, our world. I'm still scared of that, to be honest. We have a long way to go. There are serious waves of change rolling through, though.
The presence of Doug & Tim as fathers, coupled with Cole & Gus as sons, is offering a vision of being a man that involves humility, service, love, emotion, kindness, tenderness. They are the embodiment of how masculinity never had to be toxic. It's all I've ever tried to be, really.
When it comes to gender, I'm non-binary. I consider myself more of an It than a Man. It's a whole conversation. That said, this is the happiest I've felt about Men in my life. White Men especially. As for the strong, smart, loving daughters & wives & mothers around them, I hope it goes without saying that women have always been the humans I've felt safest around, and that remains true. Doug & Tim give me real hope, though, and Cole & Gus do too. I can't wait to see who they, and we, grow into.
I miss & love you, dad. I'll keep trying to be the best of you.